Monday, September 10, 2012

"*sigh* . . . Humans" - No.1

I'm starting another feature that I call "*sigh* . . . Humans."  It will be where I, Dr. Sauce, bring my keen analytical mind to bear on things humans do that I find perplexing.

Today's incomprehensible human behavior is: Giving Dogs Embarrassing Haircuts.

Listen, I know that dogs and humans have developed a mutually beneficial system of co-existence.  You rely on us for companionship, protection, and attracting potential mates.  We rely on you for easy food, a comfy bed, and grooming.  (Also, chicken).  

Yes, although we dogs can do pretty much anything without humans or cats getting involved, we cannot hold scissors.  At least, not in a way that allows to use them effectively.  Therefore, we rely on humans to provide for grooming.  DON'T ABUSE OUR TRUST.  

Simple 'dos are better!  No dog wants to look like a mop!  Here are some statistics:

  • Dogs with silly haircuts are four times more likely to be picked on by other dogs in the dog park! 
  • Dogs with perms are 54% less likely to be promoted at work!
  • Dogs whose owners give them strange hairstyles are 2.6 times more likely to take up smoking!

Here is a PSA I made about this problem:

Mattingly I told you to shave those sideburns

So please, people, be kind and get your dog a sensible trim.

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