Monday, October 22, 2012

"Perhaps the great Saucy tale of our time." -- The L.A. Times

Below is a film poster featuring another of my famous relatives, the immensely talented Gary Oldsauce.

GeorgeSmileySaucey

He recently played the lead in the critically acclaim film, pictured above. Based on the John LeCarre novel, Gary Oldsauce was cast in the lead role of George Saucy-Smiley. The director described Oldsauce as having "a great face" and "the quiet intensity and intelligence that's needed" to bring the legendary role to life.

If you haven't seen it yet, I highly recommend this movie. The international thriller is set at the height of the Cold War years of the mid-20th Century. George Saucy-Smiley (Gary Oldsauce), a disgraced British spy, is rehired in secret by his government - which fears that the Doggy Secret Intelligence Service, a.k.a.K9-6, has been compromised by a double agent working for the Chickens. Oh, and Russians.

Friday, October 19, 2012

Sauce Family Tree (Pt. 5)

So, you may not know this, but I rely a lot on my humans to prepares my updates for me.  It's a very involved process where I tell them what to post and they try to weasel out of it.  Ultimately, however, we end up with a new doctor sauce post (even if I have to fight for it!!)

This is a picture of my distant relative, Mary Todd Sauce:

SicSaucerTyrannis

 
During the third act, the President and Mrs. Sauce drew closer together, holding hands while enjoying the play. Behind them, the door opened. A shadowy figure stepped into the box, pointed a derringer at the back of Lincoln's head and pulled the trigger. Saucy reached out to her slumping husband and began shrieking. Now wielding a dagger, the man yelled, "Sic semper tyrannus" ("Thus always to tyrants"), slashed Rathbone's arm open to the bone, and then leapt from the box. Catching his spur in a flag, he crashed to the stage, breaking his left shin in the fall. Saucy and Harris both yelled for someone to stop him, but he escaped out the back stage door.
 
 

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Sauce Family Tree pt. 4 (corrected number!)

This is a painting of my distant relative St. Francis of A-Saucy.

TheCreaturesoftheAirandBroiler

Pious and devout, St. Francis of A-Saucy called all creatures his "brothers" and "sisters" and even preached to the birds (well, a certain type of bird).  The patron saint of napping, snacking, and broasting, St. Francis of A-Saucy was canonized in 1228 by Pope Gregory IX.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Have Some Decorum, Pugs!

So, while I understand that human like kissing, it doesn't work so well for dogs.  That's fine and all, and I'm willing to meet people halfway.

HOWEVER, I'm not the kind of dog that just wants to go around kissing strange dogs at the park!  I don't mean to be offensive, but it seems like pugs have a real problem with this.  I don't know what it is about those smoothy-faced libertines, but it seems like they just can't keep it in their mouths!

Take a look at this!

HungOutWithYourTongueOut

Please, dogs!  Have some dignity!

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

The Saucy Family Tree, Pt. 2

Although never conclusively proven, this is a suspected photo of my distant relative Big Sauce.

BigSaucyFeetEwwwww

This is the second of two photos taken by farmer Roger Patterson in Eureka, CA, in 1967.  Although the other so-called "Patterson Photo" is more well-known, this picture is far more important for what it reveals regarding the *real* missing link.  Although skeptics claim that the gait of the Big Sauce in the picture is more human than ape or dog, and some even claim to see a zipper on the back, definitive proof remains elusive.

However, I personally don't think its a coincidence that Humboldt County records indicate that this picture was taken during the height of a 2-week period in which more chicken and socks disappeared than ever before or since.  

Ancient Sauceliens

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Memories of a Summer Sauce


Although it seems like Autumn is finally upon us, I want to take a few minutes to remember the glorious summer that we had.

I'll never forget the bright sunny days here in New York.  It let me engage in my favorite activities, like chicken-eating and people-watching.

For instance, I recall one warm afternoon . . .



By the way, why do people refer to "dog days of summer" as if that were a bad thing?  All my days were dog days, and they were Sauce-tastic!

Oh well, until next year!

Monday, September 17, 2012

Catch of the Day!

When my humans are away, I have to come up with ways to entertain myself.  So I invented a game I call . . .

CATCH THE TOY!

Basically, I  . . . catch . .  . toy . . .  

Well, that sounds boring, but it's really not!  Check it out!

Tossedhardandputawaysleepy

Saturday, September 15, 2012

A Very Saucy Ball Slip

While that headline sounds like its from the Daily Telegraph or another UK tabloid, it's a actually a very serious problem.

I almost twisted my puppy ankle the other day at the dog park because some people (not dogs) just leave their toys lying around.  Look!

BallSlip

As a doctor, I can assure you that joint injuries are no laughing matter.  Please remember to pick up your dog's balls the next time you're at the park!

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Family, Pt. 2 - The Dark Sauce Rises

Here's a scene from this summer's blockbuster, featuring my cousin Tom "Hearty" Sauce.

TheDarkSauceRises

"When the socks are in tatters and all the chicken is eaten, then you have my permission to clean the apartment."

Monday, September 10, 2012

"*sigh* . . . Humans" - No.1

I'm starting another feature that I call "*sigh* . . . Humans."  It will be where I, Dr. Sauce, bring my keen analytical mind to bear on things humans do that I find perplexing.

Today's incomprehensible human behavior is: Giving Dogs Embarrassing Haircuts.

Listen, I know that dogs and humans have developed a mutually beneficial system of co-existence.  You rely on us for companionship, protection, and attracting potential mates.  We rely on you for easy food, a comfy bed, and grooming.  (Also, chicken).  

Yes, although we dogs can do pretty much anything without humans or cats getting involved, we cannot hold scissors.  At least, not in a way that allows to use them effectively.  Therefore, we rely on humans to provide for grooming.  DON'T ABUSE OUR TRUST.  

Simple 'dos are better!  No dog wants to look like a mop!  Here are some statistics:

  • Dogs with silly haircuts are four times more likely to be picked on by other dogs in the dog park! 
  • Dogs with perms are 54% less likely to be promoted at work!
  • Dogs whose owners give them strange hairstyles are 2.6 times more likely to take up smoking!

Here is a PSA I made about this problem:

Mattingly I told you to shave those sideburns

So please, people, be kind and get your dog a sensible trim.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

The Saucy Family Tree, Pt. 1

In order to let you know more about me (Dr. Sauce), I thought it would be fun to show you some pictures of my extended family.  To start it off, this is a picture of my distant uncle, Solicitor Rupert Popplesauce.

Saucelicitor

Born in 1799, Rupert Popplesauce was admitted a solicitor in the King's Bench Division and practiced out of an office on Barkhingam Road, London.  An admitted Whig, Popplesauce nonetheless became associated with the South Australian Literary and Scientific Association where he supported emigration as the "truefth efpreffion of the democratic fpirit."

He also enjoyed chicken and napping.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

A Note About Updates

Hey everybody!

I just wanted to let you know that I'll be aiming to update the site on Mondays-Wednesdays-Saturdays.  It's hard work typing these updates when you don't have fingers!

"Updates make me sleepy!"

Indreamsbeginchicken

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Dr. Sauce - Election 2012

This election year, dogs and people (not cats) must ask themselves "Are we better off than we were 4 years ago?"  I wasn't born four years ago, so yes, I am.
But dogs and people (not cats) must also ask themselves if they still have hope.  What do you hope for?
Hope for chicken
(Check out here to make your own)